Addicted To Drama
I remember when I first started my healing journey, I was sooooooo addicted to dramaš¤Æ. Sobering up & putting up boundaries had me bored out of my mindš«¤
I was likeā¦āwhereās the drugs, alcohol and toxic people?ā What do I do now? Is my life going to just be boring like this forever?š«
Trauma will have you addicted to pain & the identity of being a failure, if Iām not a failure or an addict then who am I?š¤·š»āāļø. Took me a while to understand that I was so much more than that. I didnāt have anything to feel bad about, nothing to make me feel sorry about myselfā¦so I just sat thereā¦emptyšµāš«
Time passed & I got over it. I started identifying as a warriorā who can overcome anything & started using my pain to help others which made me feel even better then the struggle use to make me feel. I felt alive without having to feel painš¤
I started loving my āboring lifeā & built my whole routine around self-careā¤ļø. Told myself I would never got back to the struggleā¦but then the plandemic showed up & my little quiet life disappeared & drama creeped back in, this time not because of me but due to the systemš
It pissed me offš” & really fed my false belief that if I ever did get sober it would be too late or that something really bad would happen, I thought that I didnāt have the right to be wellā¦but then I didā¦and now itās been taken away from me againš¤
At first, I didnāt understandš¤ā¦why would God/universe give me peace for such a short time & then take it all away. It took me a while to figure it out, itās because I had to get a taste of the good like in order to understand what we were losingā¦.so that I can fight for what I know to be rightfully mine with everything I haveā
Iām no longer mad, I know that there are no coincidence & that everything happens for a reasonā¦
In the mean time, Iām working on finding peaceš in the chaos so that my body doesnāt give in under the constant stressā¦Itās not an easy task but slowly and surely, Iām getting thereš§š»āāļøā¦& Iām so proud of how I havenāt given in and how far I have comeš