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Addicted To Drama

I remember when I first started my healing journey, I was sooooooo addicted to drama🤯. Sobering up & putting up boundaries had me bored out of my mind🫤


I was likeā€¦ā€where’s the drugs, alcohol and toxic people?ā€ What do I do now? Is my life going to just be boring like this forever?😫


Trauma will have you addicted to pain & the identity of being a failure, if I’m not a failure or an addict then who am I?šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø. Took me a while to understand that I was so much more than that. I didn’t have anything to feel bad about, nothing to make me feel sorry about myself…so I just sat there…emptyšŸ˜µā€šŸ’«


Time passed & I got over it. I started identifying as a warrior✊ who can overcome anything & started using my pain to help others which made me feel even better then the struggle use to make me feel. I felt alive without having to feel painšŸ¤—


I started loving my ā€œboring lifeā€ & built my whole routine around self-careā¤ļø. Told myself I would never got back to the struggle…but then the plandemic showed up & my little quiet life disappeared & drama creeped back in, this time not because of me but due to the systemšŸ˜“


It pissed me off😔 & really fed my false belief that if I ever did get sober it would be too late or that something really bad would happen, I thought that I didn’t have the right to be well…but then I did…and now it’s been taken away from me again😤


At first, I didn’t understandšŸ¤”ā€¦why would God/universe give me peace for such a short time & then take it all away. It took me a while to figure it out, it’s because I had to get a taste of the good like in order to understand what we were losing….so that I can fight for what I know to be rightfully mine with everything I have✊


I’m no longer mad, I know that there are no coincidence & that everything happens for a reason…


In the mean time, I’m working on finding peacešŸ•Š in the chaos so that my body doesn’t give in under the constant stress…It’s not an easy task but slowly and surely, I’m getting therešŸ§˜šŸ»ā€ā™€ļøā€¦& I’m so proud of how I haven’t given in and how far I have comešŸ˜Ž

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