Addicted To Drama
I remember when I first started my healing journey, I was sooooooo addicted to drama🤯. Sobering up & putting up boundaries had me bored out of my mind🫤
I was like…”where’s the drugs, alcohol and toxic people?” What do I do now? Is my life going to just be boring like this forever?😫
Trauma will have you addicted to pain & the identity of being a failure, if I’m not a failure or an addict then who am I?🤷🏻♀️. Took me a while to understand that I was so much more than that. I didn’t have anything to feel bad about, nothing to make me feel sorry about myself…so I just sat there…empty😵💫
Time passed & I got over it. I started identifying as a warrior✊ who can overcome anything & started using my pain to help others which made me feel even better then the struggle use to make me feel. I felt alive without having to feel pain🤗
I started loving my “boring life” & built my whole routine around self-care❤️. Told myself I would never got back to the struggle…but then the plandemic showed up & my little quiet life disappeared & drama creeped back in, this time not because of me but due to the system😓
It pissed me off😡 & really fed my false belief that if I ever did get sober it would be too late or that something really bad would happen, I thought that I didn’t have the right to be well…but then I did…and now it’s been taken away from me again😤
At first, I didn’t understand🤔…why would God/universe give me peace for such a short time & then take it all away. It took me a while to figure it out, it’s because I had to get a taste of the good like in order to understand what we were losing….so that I can fight for what I know to be rightfully mine with everything I have✊
I’m no longer mad, I know that there are no coincidence & that everything happens for a reason…
In the mean time, I’m working on finding peace🕊 in the chaos so that my body doesn’t give in under the constant stress…It’s not an easy task but slowly and surely, I’m getting there🧘🏻♀️…& I’m so proud of how I haven’t given in and how far I have come😎