Continuing Patterns
#tbt 2001 in Nigerian🇳🇬
I lost my authentic self due to the childhood trauma. Kids are experts at dissociating😵💫 & therefore disconnecting themselves from who they truly are when wounded. The healing journey consists of bringing all those dissociated parts back together🧩 & reconnecting to your true self😌
Unfortunately, many survivors go on into adulthood without knowing this & then find partners who have similar traits then those who hurt them, looking to fix the same wound that caused the disconnection in the first place🤷🏻♀️
Things become a lot more complex when you end up in a relationship with a narcissist because they then groom you into becoming the person they want you to be. Healing then means that you need to really search even deeper to figure out who you truly are😖
This happened to me, I was 17 when I met my ex, he was 32. I didn’t hesitate to become everything that he wanted me to be losing myself completely in the process🫠
I was raised by him & his family which were all Nigerians so I absorbed every belief their culture gave me, I even spoke pigeon English which I was quite proud of😏…not saying that there’s anything wrong with the culture, I’m actually grateful for the experience 🙏, I love Nigeria 🇳🇬 & its people , I felt right at home. What I am trying to show is that beliefs that were not necessarily aligned with me were implanted in me.
He wanted me to be an accountant, I didn’t even know what that was but I happily did as I was told in order to continue benefiting from his “love”….he thought me how to think and how to act. There came a point where I felt as though I couldn’t do anything right, he even told me that I wasn’t breathing right when I was giving birth at 18😠..& shamed me for not being able to breastfeed my first born😰
He would often say that I was so stubborn even though I did every single thing he wanted me to do…in his own words would say that he couldn’t break me into what I needed to be🤯. I did everything in my power to please him but in the end I realized that no matter what I did, it wouldn’t be enough…he just didn’t love me💔
All this to say that I grew up, even after my teenage years, being groomed into somebody who someone else wanted me to be😫
So when I started doing my healing work, it was actually even harder because I had been directed even further from my true myself & had, and still have, so much more work to do to figure out who the real Sarah is supposed to be🤔. Good thing for me is that I love healing & finding new pieces to my puzzle🧩 & am really BIG on finding the real me😁..it’s a long journey but what else are we here for if it’s not to transcend our wounds into wisdom?🤷🏻♀️
Just wanted to share that to acknowledge everyone who has been through childhood trauma & then went on to marry a narcissist…I see you👀…& I stand with you👊. The road may be longer but recovery is very possible , & when we trauma survivors put our heads to something, there is nothing that we can’t do😉