Updated: Feb 6
Today, part of the Cancer Reversal program was to dance with our souls✨. As you probably know by now, dancing is one of my triggers so I think it’s safe to say that I was quite nervous & intimidated by the task at hand
I wasn’t sure if I was even going to be able to let myself go & actually do it but I did🤗. It was so nice to let myself go & dance with the little girl in me who never learned to trust her body.
As a sexual abuse survivor, I learned to hate my body, I learned that it was my enemy & would get me abused and also betray me😥. I say betrayed me because as my grandfather abused me I believe I had orgasms. I remember these intense heat waves of pleasure laced with fear😱 where I seemed to completely lose myself & lose control as he sexually molested me
I harmed & pushed my body to its limits pretty much all my life🤷🏻♀️. I overate as a kid & drank🥃 excessively starting at the age of 15…By the age of 22, the doctor told me that I was a month away from dying if I kept going the way I was, I had ulcered my entire esophagus/stomach & almost perforated…I was literally drinking myself to death☠️
All of my life, I let people abuse me physically🤕 & sexually. I had no respect for myself nor my body. I lived a high risk life having unprotected sex, catching STD’s & putting myself in dangerous situations where I was raped & could have easily been kidnapped & even murdered😳
I got better with age, especially after having kids but still was terrible at picking men, I always seemed to like the ones who would take advantage of me🙄.
All that changed in 2018 when I started on my healing journey😊. I actually became celibate & started to learn to love myself and my body❤️…it’s been a long & slow journey but I am definitely on the right path & always excited to learn new ways to heal & to live in & love this resistant resilient strong body of mine💪
Dancing💃🏻 has been such a threat, especially when moving my waste & my lower body. I’ve done a lot of work now & my inner child has learned to trust me so we cried a lot together as we danced and let out a lot of stuck energy during the session😭😭😭
She understands & knows now that it wasn’t her fault & that dancing is no longer a threat, I am in control and I can protect myself✊
I believe that this is the beginning of something beautiful💫. I will keep dancing & healing that part of me. I think🤔 that this will help me with not being so stuck up, letting myself go & feeling a lot more free in my body🕊…
Celebrating this accomplishment & looking forward to a new level of self discovery🎉🎉🎉