Letting My Hair Down

A very common question I get is, why don’t you ever let your hair down?

And the answer is, there are so many reason but mainly, it makes me feel way too vulnerable, it just doesn’t feel safe😱

These might sound silly but,

What if I have to run & my hair is in the way?🤔 Or…

What if someone wants to hurt me?, it makes it easier to grab & pull🤷🏻‍♀️

Even worse, what if it attracts the attention of a man, which I deeply want, but am terrified of….& that I can’t keep up with my own femininity😓

The truth is, I fear the women in me🫣…I don’t really know her, who she is but also who she can be. I fear losing myself🫠, the tomboy in me that kept me alive✊. I love who I’ve become❤️…I’ve grown to love how different I am of others😏

What if I become more feminine & become like every other women?😳Funny, as a child there’s nothing I wanted more than blending in & being like the other girls. Now, it makes me feel anxious & I totally dread the thought, do I really want that? I know these thoughts may be totally irrational but they are very real to me at this point on my path

There’s a fight going on inside, a part of me wants to let her free & another says that that just ain’t me & that my inability to let my femininity out is a scare formed by all the wounds I’ve healed…& I love and am attached to those scares🙏…So much easier to tie my hair back into a ponytail & keep everything under strict control🤷🏻‍♀️

They say the healing journey is a lifetime journey so I obviously got a lot more road to travel👉…maybe one day but for now, I’m just experiencing very slowly here & there, sometimes letting my hair down & feeling the waters…& I’m proud and happy with that little bit of progress😀

Accept yourself how you are & where you are at is today’s message to all my survivor followers🤗….any small unsteady step👣 is still a step forward & deserves to be celebrated🥳…so I celebrate that I can make myself vulnerable & even share the thoughts that pass through my head about my struggle with something as simple as letting my hair down🎉

Cheers to our journeys from darkness to light💫…however messy it is & whatever it looks like…more power to us✊