Post written on January 6th, 2022
Healing is not pretty…it’s actually pretty ugly
Day 6 of not smoking any weed
I feel terrible!!! Been crying a lot, my eczema broke out on my eyes. I’m so nauseated, you would think I drank a fifth of Gin last night but I didn’t. I have no appetite, I’m reminded of why I had started smoking again, couldn’t keep anything down, my anxiety shows up this way and sits heavy in my solar plexus area.
I don’t want to be here. I’ve struggled with this for most of my life, no need to worry though, I would never do it. I would never leave my kids alone in this world , couldn’t do it before & definitely wouldn’t do it now. I use to feel this way daily, that’s why I drank…kind of as a slow form of suicide. As I healed though, I noticed I had them less and less, I was down to maybe one really bad day every other month before the pandemic which was a huge improvement
I’m not surprised I feel this way, it was expected when I decided to stop smoking weed again. It’s part of the deal, I gotta go through it, feel all the pain I’ve been hiding from in the last year or so…I hate it, it hurts & it sucks, I just want to run away…
But I won’t, I am going to feel EVERY SINGLE THING that I don’t want to feel & I’m going to get through it. I’ve been here before and I know how much stronger I come out on the other side.
I know many of you struggle with addictions too. I share my journey & my truth with you to show you that you are not alone, that these feelings are normal and that you can get through this too. It’s going to be hard and ugly for a while but the power we gain from standing in our truth outweighs the struggle 1000000%…believe me when I tell you that recovery is absolutely worth the pain
I’m excited, I know how much more powerful I am when I’m straight…a few more weeks and I’ll already be doing much better :)
Until then, I’d love to hear your empowering recovery stories to inspire me & uplift me in my journey
Love you all
PS: This picture was not taken today