Updated: Feb 6
It’s hard to know what a healthy romantic relationship is when you’ve never had it modelled to you🧐. I didn’t get to know my parents when they were in love, they never slept in the same bed nor room😔
The story has always been that they started fighting when my mom got pregnant & it got worse when I was born. My mom literally threw an ashtray at my dad while in labor at the hospital😳. They fought a lot, I remember trying to constantly stop the screaming, once I even played my flute in between them, I was told the fighting was all my fault & that I was making it worse😓
A few times it was physical, my dad never did any hitting, it was always my mom who would completely lose control . Then they got separated when I was 8.
I’ve attracted or have been interested in the wrong type of guy all my life🙄. Now that I’ve done my work, I’m very aware👀 of that but how to know when someone is right?🤷🏻♀️ I noticed that I don’t trust myself when it comes to this.
The last man I dated was someone I wasn’t interested in & thought that he would maybe grow on me but the more I think about it & the more I know that he was absolutely not meant for me. I was looking for a different type of guy but that wasn’t it at all neither…so what do I do?🤔
I don’t seem to know how to know what is right? I’m scared of the ones I do like cause I feel as though they may be wrong & I don’t want to get with the ones I have no interest in because that also can’t be right😫, why does it have to be sooooo complicated?🙄
All this to say that I’m still learning & that the last guy taught me many lessons of what I do want & what I don’t🙅🏻♀️. So the next time I may do better. I guess I’ll have to keep experiencing & learning until it’s right.
I guess that’s how we heal, by trying, listening to our gut & intuition, staying true to ourselves & taking a chance. There’s no risk free guarantee which I would love😅 & it’s super challenging to listen to your gut when you’re totally biased by the fact that you’re lonely & crave for a genuine connection😖
One thing that I know for sure by now is my worth🌟, I won’t settle like I use to & that’s definitely huge progress 👉👉👉