#TBT Meet Sarah Blunt: 1995
She sold drugs & was so proud of it, it was an upgrade from begging at the subway🤲 to get her fix🤷🏻♀️
She put on a good show acting like she was untouchable✊ even though she was broken inside. She had to act tough , not only to hide how hurt she was by the fact that no adults in her life had time or paid attention to her💔, but also to stay safe from bullies as she roamed the streets day & night😳
She is still there very alive & present in me, she shows up every time I don’t feel safe. I feel myself going right back to the need to act tough, show that I don’t care🖕 & that I am fearless & invincible. My muscles tense up & I get cold & distant. I like to think that I’m sending a message that I am dangerous …it’s a coping mechanism that I picked up as a teenager on the streets🤷🏻♀️
Many survivors do this, they feel the need to intimidate to stay safe. She’s actually gotten me in more trouble then keeping me safe as the negative energy sent out actually attracted exactly what I was trying to repel😫
She did a lot of things even though she was scared🤔, she took big risks due to her pride…as a matter of fact, my street name became Pride later on in the game😁. She pushed her limits, she gave birth to the daring brave part of me😏 that I deeply cherish today🙏
These days, she still shows up, especially since I spoke out🗣 & don’t feel safe anywhere. Sometimes, I go right back to being her. But now I know where it comes from so I check my surroundings for danger & often have the capacity to see that there’s no immediate threat👍
Most of the time I can bring myself back to the present by reminding myself that I am safe😃…I kind of laugh & tell myself to stop it…lol…that I’m not a thug on the streets😂…I’m a 44 year old mother of 3😅
I reassure her that my adult self can very confidently protect her & adapt to anything the world throws at me😏. She is starting to trust me & is slowly being integrated to my present self, she shows up less but every now & then she feels threatened & reappears due to the protective mechanism being a very deeply rooted pattern.
I no longer let her run the show as I use to though✋ cause she can really get me in unnecessary trouble. I’ve integrated her & have sharpened her skills for the times were she may still be needed. She definitely had a role in me speaking out during the lockdowns.
I love her dearly❤️ & give her the time, attention & love she needed back then.
Enjoying every moment of my growth✨, being grateful🙌 for my awareness👀 & how far I have come🤗