Self- Hate

I hated myself for a long time. I put myself in really bad situations more than once. Getting drunk, blacking out & waking up with no pants on having no idea what happened🤮…the self hate & shame took over my life…I felt like a piece of shit nobody cared about, myself included😓

So I drank again🫣…there are 3 instances I can recall where I was raped yet too drunk to fight back. I couldn’t move, I had to just lay there & let it all happen. I blamed myself…never the older man who were abusing me. The shame grew & the drinking deepened, I was numbing everything but deep down the pain still lived & spread🤕

That feeling of worthlessness was why I fell so hard when a man came along & seemed to care. He gave me the attention I so desperately needed. I clinged on so hard & accepted so many things that were absolutely unacceptable😢…I felt as though I deserved it & was just grateful that someone seemed to love me😩

I had it all wrong. I didn’t know back then what I know now. I didn’t know that I had to love myself first, nobody had ever told me or modelled it to me so how was I supposed to know🤷🏻‍♀️

I forgive myself for all the shit💩 I put myself through when I didn’t know any better & I’m proud of myself for knowing better & doing better for myself at this point of my life😏. I have no regrets, every wound I’ve picked up along the way is now being, or will hopefully be one day, transcended into wisdom🧘🏻‍♀️.

I didn’t know it back then but I know today why I went through all that crap. Now that I have overcame a big chunk of it, I get to share my experiences with others who feel alone & in return, help them heal too😀…it’s a win win situation when we decide to use our voice🗣, be vulnerable & share our deepest wounds.

You are not a piece of shit, you are enough as you are✨. You deserve to be loved especially loved by yourself❤️‍🩹

If you don’t know where to start, ask me about my HEAL program which will teach you just how to do that😉