Updated: Feb 6
I had the privilege of doing a soul retrieval session with Paul Leendertse last week. I’m so impressed with this new skill I’m learning, it takes connecting with your inner child on a whole new level💫
First we had to figure out what was one of the moments in my childhood that I was somehow stuck in & going back to it.
The moment that came to me was when I was about 3 or 4 years old standing beside my crying mother. I was trying to make her feel better. I felt sad , all I wanted was for my mom to be happy. I have no memories of her being happy as a young child, she was either sick, angry or crying☹️. I somehow believed that it was my job to make her feel better, there was nothing I wanted more in the world than for my mother to be well.
I got stuck in that moment, I learned to always put other people’s well being before mine. I was an easy kid that never caused any problems or asked for anything. I learned to ignore my needs & ensure I wasn’t in the way. I now live my life trying to make sure everyone is well, I carry the world on my shoulders often forgetting that I have needs too…& I’m tired of it😓
Today, my mom is still the same in so many ways , she’s not independent financially nor wants to do what needs to be done for her to be healthy & well. It makes me angry to think that she depends on me now and I will have to take care of her when she didn’t take care of me nor herself😡. I no longer want to worry about her. I spent my whole life worrying about other’s & it was detrimental to my wellbeing. I finally found myself & want to focus on myself, my kids & my dreams🌟
So we (Paul & I) went back to that day & recreated the scene. We froze the moment🥶. I came as myself & picked up the younger me. I was so happy to see that, due to all the work I’ve done, she trusts & feels safe with me🥰. I soothed her, we took deep breaths together🧘🏻♀️, she layed her head on my shoulder & knew I was there for her. We then left the scene & flew to the beach together, her favourite place🤗. We rested a little & decided to go back to the scene👉
We unfroze the moment & my adult self spoke to my mom. I told her that I was sorry that she was in so much pain, I told her I love her but that I could no longer worry about her. I told her that I released myself of that responsibility🕊& that I hope that she will one day find happiness within herself. I kissed her on the forehead💋, took little Sarah in my arms & went back to the beach with her…we ate ice cream🍦 at her request & then I asked her if she wanted to come with me…she said yes😏
I saw a shinning light come from her heart, I also had my light shining. Her soul left her & came back home to reconnect with mine💫…she’s with me now. I am free from the shackles of caring for others over my wellbeing, I come first😀
I’ve done a lot of inner child work but this was different. She’s with me all the time now, I feel her deeply integrated in me & I want to take care of her more than ever. I feel a lot more whole & connected😌
I’m going to do a lot more soul retrieve in the pivotal moments of my life, it’s one of the most powerful things I’ve ever experienced🔥🔥🔥….it’s my new favourite thing😍😍😍