Speaking Up

#tbt to sometime maybe in 1983

It is a well known fact that most survivors of sexual abuse never speak out, especially not as kids.

I often wonder what made me different…I was 5 when I came out.

I remember my grandfather asking me to do something to him that I definitely wasn’t willing to do. He had promised me a gift that he had put on a high shelf if I did what he asked.

I refused and proceeded to call my parents. Pushing a chair against the wall where I climbed and dialed the number which was written on a list by the phone on the wall.

My grandfather never stopped me from doing so…I guess he thought no one would believe me or he maybe went into freeze mode…I have no idea🤷🏻‍♀️

My dad came to pick me up…most of it is blurred but I remember telling him that he had promised me a gift as I pointed to the shelf. My grandfather gave me the gift, I opened it unveiling a white scarf.

I recall feeling disgusted and disappointed, shocked and humiliated at the thought that he wanted me to do such an act for such a stupid gift….feeling as though I owed people my body when they gave me something followed me for most of my life because of this event until I realized where it came from and consciously put a stop to it…but that’s another post

To come back to the topic of speaking out as such a young age. I find it to be a miracle and I’m not sure what gave me the power and strength to do it but I make sure I often tell my inner child how proud I am of her doing so even though it caused such havoc and trouble in the family

And I wonder…

Is it the same energy in me that made me speak out against the lockdowns at the rally in October of 2020?…was I born that way?…what makes me so different? I still ponder upon that question now and then…whatever the reason is, I am super grateful

And to all those who have yet to find their voice, I will be yours until you do so…& know that you are not alone, I amongst many others understand, feel you & see you…& I always stand with you & for you