Zoned Out, As Usual

I see a dissociated child when I look at this picture. I still do that a lot, especially when I’m high…zoned out, just the way my mind was developed to like it.

Dissociation is a very common coping mechanism, usually experienced by people who have had trauma in their lives. It’s a way of disconnecting with reality, it’s the brains safety switch that gets engaged by traumatic experiences that would be too painful to bare.

Dissociation is very common in children, they are experts at it as they don’t always have the option to leave the traumatic environment or don’t have access to many gateways out of their pain….so their minds just disconnect.

This explains why many survivors don’t have much memories of when they were young. Before I started my work, my whole childhood was pretty much blank with a few memories here & there. I had to get really curious and do a lot of digging, I looked at pictures, asked so many questions to family members & learned to reconnect with my inner child in order to feel safe enough to let myself back into forgotten memories.

This work is very important in order for someone to reconnect with themselves. Many of us have become so accustomed to dissociating that we purposefully do it on a regular basis by drinking or doing drugs. We’ve learnt that to be present & our bodies are dangerous places to be in so we run away from ourselves constantly…so sad.

These days doctors prescribe all kind of drugs to further more disconnect kids from themselves. They are often misdiagnosed as having ADHD, being over anxious &/or defiant. They have literally normalized kids being on drugs.

This is the opposite of what these kids need, they need to reconnect & be given tools to help them stay grounded & feel safe in their bodies. They need to know that their behaviours are normal & that the adults around them love them no matter what & that it’s safe for them to be themselves & feel all of their emotions, the good & the bad.

When I got sober, I realized that it was like if I hadn’t been present & had missed out on 40 years of my life, that was though to swallow, but now that I’m awake I want to be fully present in every moment & feel the joy & the pain. I love living in my reality, it’s now become everything to me…but I have to admit, it’s not easy & it takes A LOT of practice. You have to be mindful constantly & keep redirecting yourself, it takes time…& that’s ok. I’m just grateful I still have time to create new memories & get to actually cherish & live in the moment, if not always, at least sometimes.

Love you my people, be aware & try to stay in the moment, I guarantee you that your best self awaits for you there!